and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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