No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
