Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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