We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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