i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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