Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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