Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
