Nicole vs. Life
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
