I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
