i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
