My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.