he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
barbara walters just said penis...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
3pm strippers are depressing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy