I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
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My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...