he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.