alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
