I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
