i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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