I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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