Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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