what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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