...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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