I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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