I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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