this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
