I'm laying in your front yard are you home
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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