that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
