Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
