when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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