So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
