sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
