i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
