I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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