And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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