Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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