i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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