I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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