So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize