he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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