Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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