I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
