You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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