sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
