theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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