I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize