Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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