why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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