he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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