wrigley field is MILF paradise
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
