I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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