I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
