I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
