I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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