Im at strip club and am horny
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize