im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
