We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
