i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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