why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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