he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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