Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm always down for nudity.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
