i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.