i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME