cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I told you penises don't tan
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.