You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.