My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.