The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.