Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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