Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm sorry my penis didn't work

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  (301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work http://tfl.nu/tw6r
  Replies (10) Good night (728) Bad night (2310)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?

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  (978): Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am? http://tfl.nu/38zg
  Replies (26) Good night (2976) Bad night (787)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

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  (919): Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too http://tfl.nu/1k8w
  Replies (40) Good night (801) Bad night (4314)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.

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  (240): All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson. http://tfl.nu/a7nh
  Replies (7) Good night (2335) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

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  (312): I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards". http://tfl.nu/xpqo
  Replies (6) Good night (2266) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.

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  (425): so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork. http://tfl.nu/y2vt
  Replies (0) Good night (1597) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.

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  (616): Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry. http://tfl.nu/rf2y
  Replies (7) Good night (1503) Bad night (588)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Casually had to file a missing persons report last night

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  (703): Casually had to file a missing persons report last night http://tfl.nu/xg7g
  Replies (12) Good night (879) Bad night (1865)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL

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  (217): Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL http://tfl.nu/5sam
  Replies (7) Good night (1439) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved

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  (512): Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved http://tfl.nu/jelh
  Replies (2) Good night (836) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Sad Megan is Sad

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  Have you been drinking my beer?

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  (864): Sad Megan is Sad (1-864): Have you been drinking my beer? http://tfl.nu/x7xq
  Replies (5) Good night (952) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.

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  (620): We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night. http://tfl.nu/jjc7
  Replies (8) Good night (989) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!

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  (435): I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ljj
  Replies (13) Good night (2032) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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  (479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd
  Replies (5) Good night (619) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

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  (805): It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT! http://tfl.nu/78gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1351) Bad night (452)

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