Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
