Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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