Church boner. Awkwardddd
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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